#55: Insights From Sitting on My Couch for Weeks on End

and crying whenever someone is nice to me

Dear Friends,

I’m writing you from my bed where I’ve been planted for several weeks while I elevate my triple broken ankle. Although, I guess it’s not technically broken anymore since they loaded me up with plates and screws. I’ve learned a lot about myself while I’ve been sitting here. Most notably, I’m the kind of high person that cries whenever anyone says, does, or looks at me kindly. Secondarily, I’ve decided that I might need to try out knee high boots when the cold weather comes around again.

The very few photos I have from the last month.

To make a long story short, I slipped and fell while walking to my car to go to work a few weeks ago. I went to the ER where a kind doctor, also named Liesl, let me know that I had broken my ankle in a few places. Some men came in to re-align it and wrap it up. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything more painful. They sent me home with crutches and well wishes. 

Two weeks later I went back to the hospital for surgery to get my bones put back together. I’m told it went well. Now I’m two weeks post-surgery and am out of the painful phase and into the itchy stitches phase. I’m told it’s a sign of healing, so I’ll take it. 

As expected, emotions have been all over the place. We started in a state of pure grit where I decided that since this happened and there wasn’t much I could do about it, I would just channel my radical acceptance of the situation. That lasted me a few days until lost my balance on my crutches one morning going to the bathroom and fell. My ankle was fine and didn’t get any impact from the fall but getting back up took an annoyingly long time and I succumbed to self-pity. Then we went back to acceptance with the occasional annoyance. The roller coaster repeated after surgery once the nerve blockers wore off and the pain really hit. I went back to the self pity for a little while (I’m convinced the self pity phase would have lasted longer had my mom not been there) and then back to the acceptance laced with occasional annoyance. It’s been especially frustrating now that the pain has subsided because my brain thinks I should be able to do things that my doctor has forbid, like walking.

Being reliant on other people’s help has been humbling for a couple of reasons. 1. I am very independent (probably too much so) and value being able to do things for myself. I now need help with showers, feeding myself, and vacuuming my apartment. 2. More importantly, I have been so overwhelmed by all the people who have reached out with well wishes, offers for help with meals, bathing sessions, cleaning, running work meetings in my place, visits, and other acts of service (including talking me down when I doom googled and thought I’d be confined to my couch unable to walk for two years). I truly would not have made it this far without it. My parents like to remind me that this is a good lesson in asking for help, and admittedly they are correct.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is a huge THANK YOU!! Not everyone who’s contributed to my well-being over the last four weeks reads this newsletter so formal thank you offerings will be coming in the near future, but I feel like the grinch who’s heart has grown three sizes. I can’t put into words the gratitude I have for people. I knew I had friends and people who cared, but I didn’t realize it was this much. Hug your people a little more today and go on a walk for me (or dance in your living room).

Before I go here are a few things that aren’t people but have helped me through the last few weeks:

1. Sparkling water, specifically the lime/mint “nojito” flavor of Spindrift.

2. Sweat shorts with large leg openings to go over my hoof of a cast.

3. Rolling utility cart to hold all my snacks for easy access next to my couch.

4. Lunch box to haul food from the kitchen to the microwave/dining table.

5. Deli containers to serve as my water bucket that has a permanent spot on my nightstand. They’ve also been used to shower, hold leftovers, and other uses.

6. The left shoe of my very old pair of Adidas Stan Smith sneakers. Perfectly worn in so I can slip it on and off without needing to use my hands.

As always, have a slice for me 🍕 and enjoy this song I’ve not stopped listening to for weeks now.